PARENTS & COACHES No Tolerance Policy:   Palmetto Region has a NO-TOLERANCE policy on screaming, yelling, or making any derogatory remarks to ANY official ( Up ref, down ref, or line judges). Keep in mind.. they are human.. and most of the time they are kids. Penalty is immediate dismissal from gym, no warning. Region teams may face sanction to participate in future tournaments. Coaches improper behavior can lead to sanctions from the region for coach and/or team.  For the 2006 season, Palmetto Region will attempt to have a Region Official Training Supervisor per site to assist all officials in proper training.

 HOW TO CHOOSE THE CLUB BEST FOR YOU

Deciding which volleyball club is right for you can be a difficult decision. First of all, it is a serious commitment of time and money. It is my hope that this guide will help the volleyball family make an informed decision.

At a minimal level, club volleyball provides the opportunity to learn and improve volleyball skills through hours of additional practice and competition. Club volleyball gives players the opportunity to enhance athletic, social and leadership skills, making new friends from other schools and areas. In addition, since players regularly officiate matches when they are not playing, leadership skills and knowledge and understanding of the game is enhanced. Many players have gone on to be successful college players (at all levels), some are on partial to full athletic scholarships. Others have gone on to coach at the high school or college level or returned to coach at the club level.

Some teams will only travel to tournaments in North Carolina, while others will also travel to other parts of the country. While there is no guarantee that you will be seen by a college coach, the chances are better if they play club ball. The high school season coincides with the college season, making it difficult for college coaches to get out to watch players very often. In many cases the high school matches start around 5 or 6 making it difficult for a coach to even get to local matches without having to miss their team's practice. The heaviest recruiting time is during the club season. A majority of college coaches search for prospective players at Junior Olympic events. Larger tournaments involving teams from several states, national qualifiers and the Junior Olympic Volleyball National Championships attract the most college coaches.

Club volleyball is a HUGE commitment of time. The club season generally begins in November with tryouts and runs through mid-April for in state play and can run through early July for teams going to the Junior Olympic National Championships. Teams generally practice around 2 hours at a time and practice 1-3 times per week. Teams will generally play in at least 6 tournaments (some will play in as many as 12). Tournaments last from 1 day up to 4 days.

Club volleyball also requires FINANCIAL commitment. The cost can run as low as $250 to over $5,000 depending on the level of competition, number of tournaments, practice facility costs, coaches' travel costs, coaching expenses (some volunteer, some receive expenses, some get a salary), supplies, equipment, balls, printing, postage, etc. and sponsorship. Costs should be used for comparison between clubs to make sure you know what is and is not covered in their fees. Costs may vary depending on quality; two jerseys and a pair of shorts can cost $100, USAV registration is $35 per player and a share of the $55 team fee, tournament entry fees vary from $110 for regular season one day tournaments to $700 for national qualifiers and $900 for the Junior Olympic National Championships. Hotel, food and transportation costs are generally the responsibility of the player/parent.

You should also think about why you want to play club (recreation, more experience for high school play or possible college scholarship). No matter what your objective, you should be playing because you have fun, love the game and want to play. You must be willing to work hard and take the responsibility for your improvement. Your coach is there to help you work toward your goals.

The most important factor is the kind of coaching you will receive. Coaches at each club have a wide range of coaching experience, from very successful high school and college coaches (head and assistant) to those with little experience.

Parents of a volleyball player have a shared responsibility with the player. A few of the biggest responsibilities are encouraging good sportsmanship and responsible behavior, support and encourage your child win or lose, providing support financially and assist with transportation. Parents also have the responsibility to conduct themselves in a reasonable, responsible manner. Parents must be aware that they have as much, if not more, influence on the chemistry of their team than the coach. How can a player be a good team member when they have to listen to a parent bad mouth their teammates or coach? How can the team have good chemistry when parents sit in the stands and make disparaging comments about players or coaches to other parents?

Questions to consider:

• How many practices per week and the duration of each practice?
• Where are the practices held?
• Do they have to practice during the holidays and on days following tournaments?
• How many tournaments will they attend, when and where?
• Is the club a non-profit organization?
• Does each team in the club fund itself or are the monies shared between the teams?
• What is the coaching experience of each coach?
• Do they have a written standard of conduct for players and coaches for trips and practices?
• Are coaches required to travel with the team when traveling out of state?
• Will tournament information such as when, where and how be given to each player as soon as possible before each tournament? Many times this information is not available until the last minute due to the late arrival of information from the tournament directors.
• Are the requirements of fund-raisers clearly spelled out as to participation, distribution (to all on the team or to those who work) and accountability for funds, etc.?
• Do they have an itemization of what is being paid by your fees?
• Some clubs charge one fee for the season or charge an initial fee with periodic or monthly fees. Some teams use fund-raisers to fund their teams and some teams use a combination of the above. If a club is unwilling to disclose their financial policies, you may want to seek another club.

Choosing a volleyball club is serious business. It is a commitment in time and money as well as an individual commitment to a club for the duration of the season. Spending a little time researching your options and opportunities may save you from a frustrating (or worse) season. Be sure to ask lots of questions. If possible, talk with players and parents who have played in the club before. If a club is hesitant to answer those questions, it is probably best to move on. Remember, volleyball is supposed to be FUN!

I understand my child is unique. She has her own gifts and develops at her own pace.

I understand that my child has her own goals in sports as in other aspects of her life. I will support those goals and keep them separate from my own.

I understand that I am a mirror to my child's feelings about herself. If I value her, show her respect and compassion, then she will know I love her for who she is - not what she does.

I understand that my behavior off the playing court or field is as important as my child's behavior on the court or field. My actions and my words have an impact on my child's behavior.

I understand my child has her own inner voice. My job as parent is to help her recognize it, listen to it, and act on it.

I understand that the coach needs to hear my feelings, feel my support, and understand that our common interest is the well-being of my child - not the scoreboard.

I understand that attaching blame to outside factors - luck, fate, officials, teammates - teaches a lack of responsibility in one's own actions.

I understand that youth sports should enhance and not dominate my child's life. Overemphasis of sport reduces the balance of her life and creates undue pressure to perform and excel.

I understand that the other children on the playing court or field are equally important and as special as my child. They deserve my love, support, encouragement, respect, and blessing too.

I understand that I can change any negative patterns that have developed between myself and my child.

As a sportparent, I pledge to continue to see my child as a whole person. I want to understand her emotionally, socially, mentally, physically, and spiritually.

NOTE: This article was submitted to Volleyball USA (Winter, 2000) anonymously to enlighten readers to the struggles that coaches face all over the country. Coaches leave the profession for a variety of reasons, but player and parent dissatisfaction and conflict are leading causes of coaching burnout. Youth sports and the actions of parents and coaches alike are under intense criticism. Identifying our goals in youth sports and emphasizing the positive outcomes is only possible if coaches and parents work together.

I decided to write this article when "they" finally got to me. I no longer coach high school girls' volleyball. I did not make that decision; it was made for me. In January of last year, I was informed that after a long career, I would no longer serve in the capacity of a coach. I was fired. In hopes that this article may stimulate a greater understanding between coaches and parents in the youth-sports world, here is my story.

I spent my adult life teaching, coaching and watching my two children flourish at this small private school. I had a great team, skilled players, and what I thought was, for the most part, a supportive parent group. My 10th grade daughter made varsity and was our starting setter. My worries about the daughter-mother combination handling the player-coach relationship were never realized. I was perfectly happy twelve months ago. I had the reputation of being a tough but fair coach - "be at practice, be on time, give me 100% during those 105 minutes, be supportive of your teammates, represent your school well, be proud of your contributions, and be proud of yourself" were my expectations. We had a successful season - a district championship, a winning record and the positive growth of our younger players under the leadership of our seniors. The foundation was in place and the future looked bright. The key players were returning, many of which played club volleyball. This is the kind of team a coach spends years building and grooming to win a state championship. Unfortunately, I would not be their coach.

Soon after our loss last autumn in the state tournament, I received a call from one of "them," a parent, who said he "wanted to be fair." He informed me that he and his friends were "going after me." To this day, I do not know the exact reason(s) for his actions or for my dismissal, but I do know the impact. A parent planted the seed of discontent that eventually negated a lifetime of effort and robbed me of my career and of my dreams.

The experience of being fired as "coach," along with other coaching experiences, inspired me to write this article. I hope it will enlighten people about the effects of their actions on their children as well as on those who coach them. Coaches who are professional, take their jobs seriously and work to bring out the best in each and every one of their players can be affected by misguided comments and actions of some parents. I am not an amateur coach who got into coaching by accident or by managing my child's little league team. I chose my career as women's sports came of age in the late 1970s. I played collegiate volleyball at a large Division I school and began my coaching career as I finished my education. I chose my career because it would allow me to follow the deep interest I developed in college. From biomechanics to sports administration to psychology, I selected courses that would enhance my effectiveness as a coach. Through CAP and ACEP, I sought certification within my specialty in volleyball. I wanted the best for my players as well as the best from my players. I also wanted them to develop into fine, upstanding young women as well as talented volleyball players.

My interest and commitment to the sport led to my involvement in the development of Junior Volleyball in the early 1980s. I still am the director of a not-for-profit organization whose sole purpose is to expose girls ages 10 to l8 to the game of volleyball and provide them with high quality coaching and competitive playing opportunities. Today, I am not sure I even want to continue in that capacity either. Why? I am tired. I am tired of knowing that my best would not please 50% of the players and parents involved with youth sports. An incessant lack of loyalty and lack of dedication to the team aspect of sports has led to fighting between clubs and coaches for players and, sadly, emulates what we see daily in professional athletics.

What I witness daily in the gym, and in life, is that our involvement in team sports is no longer "for the good of the team." Instead, it is "what is in it for me and best for me?" What a shame! Team sports have the capacity to teach us so much, but do they anymore? Does our society even reward teamwork? Whatever happened to the notions that the whole of a "team" is so much more than the sum of its parts; that the pieces of the puzzle are what makes it come to form - not any one individual piece? Teams are like puzzles and both are incomplete without the smallest of pieces. Teamwork requires something from everyone, something that is not returned necessarily in kind or favor. Great teammates are difficult to develop today. Everyone wants to know, "What's in it for me?, Will I get to play?, Will I get a scholarship?, Will I start?, Will I play outside hitter?" The emphasis on "me" makes the essence of teamwork and team increasingly difficult to coach. Why is this?

Unfortunately, most of the disruption to teamwork, cohesiveness and player satisfaction starts at home. I believe many times this is an unintentional outcome of concerned parents supporting their child. How does this happen? It can start from the innocent and justifiable notion of parents wanting what is best for their child. However, those seemingly protective instincts can easily become selfish interests that do not permit the lending of oneself for the good of the whole. Many times players hear at home that they are "better than so-and-so" and should be "starting" or "setting," or should be the "go-to player." From the parent point of view, comments like these are intended to build the child's self esteem. Unfortunately, the result may be just the opposite - an increase in the player's dissatisfaction and the lowering of her view of her worth to her team. Comments such as these tend to undermine the player's identity as a valuable team member as well as undermine her coach and possibly her teammates. As a coach who has witnessed firsthand the effects of criticism on team dynamics, I would like to suggest the following:

Ten Guidelines for Being a Positive Player-Parent:

1. Cheer your daughter on, be supportive of her, console her, but do it without judging her, her coach, or her teammates.
2. Many things will aggravate you that do not even faze your daughter. Do not make something into an issue if it is not an issue.
3. Encourage your child to seek her own answers. Coaches respect players who come to them and privately question their playing time or role; it immediately indicates they want more.
4. Understand the rules of the game, and the coach's philosophy. Substituting in volleyball has consequences.
5. Do your physical part as a parent. Get your child to practice on time and pick her up promptly. Demonstrating responsibility and commitment can be incredibly effective.
6. Positions and talent sometimes do not match up. Coaches attempt to do what is best for the team, putting the best physical mix and the best "chemistry" on the floor. That may mean that sometimes your daughter may be playing out of position in an attempt to strengthen the "team." A positive spin by you can go a long way in helping her adjust to a new role. Stay positive, and maybe she will flourish.
7. If you have real concerns, and your daughter has unsuccessfully attempted to work things out with her coach on her own, schedule a meeting with the coach, and have your child attend with you (you may not be hearing the whole story - a common occurrence). If you are trying to resolve a problem, help your child by being a role model in the problem solving procedure.
8. Never approach a coach with complaints after a tough game. Wait, and schedule a visit after everyone cools off. Most coaches are highly competitive and, just like players, do not like to be confronted after tough games.
9. Please think before criticizing anyone connected with your daughter's club or team. Criticism is contagious and often hurtful. The damage you do could be irreversible.
10. Visibly show that you enjoy watching your daughter perform; this will make her feel better about her participation, no matter what her role is.

Coaching was my profession and I have given it up for now. I will keep looking for the exceptions, but I am presently too tired to fight the ever-increasing selfishness I see in team sports. My dreams and aspirations as a coach may have been taken away from me, but there were others around me who also had similar dreams. I realize how important it is for me to be a positive parent in my own daughter's success. As for my daughter, she has grown from this experience. Her role has changed since the start of the season from a back-line player, to a setter/hitter in a 6-2 offense, to setting a 5-1 offense, and she has adjusted well. As for me, I am trying to practice what I preach and follow the 10 guidelines to being a positive player-parent. I want my daughter to enjoy her high school playing experience, and I want to enjoy watching her. My daughter, her teammates, and her new coach deserve my support in the pursuit of their dreams.

In November, my former team won the State Championship, the first ever for the school. My daughter had a year to remember as did her teammates. I have some memories as a parent that I'm glad to have. I'll never know what it would have felt like to be on the floor with that group of girls - and I'd be lying if I said I didn't care or it didn't hurt. Sometimes doing absolutely nothing is what is best for the team. Thank you to: Dr. & Mrs. C., Mr. & Mrs. S., Mr. & Mrs. E, Dr. & Mrs. J., Mr. & Mrs. N., Dr. & Mrs. R, Mr. & Mrs. C, Mrs. W., Mrs. H., Ms. T, Ms. S, T.E. and P.K. Your support and comments meant the world to me. To the senior captains- your words will forever resonate in my memory. Congratulations - I couldn't be prouder.

• Bob: "I kept my anger and frustrations locked inside. I was a ticking time bomb. My S.P.I.K.E.S. group validated my anger and provided a safe place for me to share my inner feelings. My facilitator is the greatest and the shock treatments were painless."
• Tim: "My body language said it all. I was tense, closed, and withdrawn. I was a prisoner in my own body. PVS had me in chains. After just three S.P.I.K.E.S. group sessions, I'm a new man. I'm relaxed and at peace. Last weekend I dozed off when the score was 24-24. The Prozac has really improved my body language."
• Brian: "When they told me I couldn't put my chair on the gym floor, I thought I'd explode. Fortunately, I had plenty of bottled water to cool me down. I shared the ordeal with my S.P.I.K.E.S. group and we did some role playing with me and my chair. Now I realize the gym floor is more important than my comfort. Thanks S.P.I.K.E.S."
• Rob: "I looked cool and calm on the outside. Sometimes I even read a book during the game. But inside I was a volcano ready to erupt. My S.P.I.K.E.S. group scheduled a proactive listening session. I felt I heard, maybe for the first time. Now I like the Volleyball parent I'm becoming thanks to S.P.I.K.E.S. I'm also enrolled in a S.P.I.K.E.S. speed reading class."
• Mike: "I put my heart and soul into that 3rd game. When we lost I felt betrayed and violated and there was no one I could talk to. My S.P.I.K.E.S. group knew it was a fragile time and talked me through it. You saved my life S.P.I.K.E.S."
• Mark: "Thanks to S.P.I.K.E.S. I was able to apologize and reconcile with the referee. When he gets out of the hospital, he's going to join a S.P.I.K.E.S. group for refs."